I'm leaving early Sunday morning for my three week stint on the road. If I don't come back it's because I've been abducted by aliens in New Mexico. (please let them look like the aliens on Roswell. pleeeeeaaaasssseeeee.)
1. Pine tree air fresheners dangling from rearview mirrors. Why not get a bumper sticker to increase your advertisement campaign? "My car and I STINK! Ask me why!"
2. Smoking. It's a nasty, expensive, annoying, and dangerous habit. Hi mom. I love you.
3. Not using a seatbelt. If you run into my car because your driving skills are only matched by your wicked stupidity I don't want you splattered all over my back window.
4. Not wearing a helmet while riding a motorcycle (or bicycle for that matter.) If you hit me, or Gods' forbid, I hit you, I don't want the extra trauma of seeing your brain smeared across the pavement. Gross.
5. Driving erratically around motorcycles. My parents and brother are idiots who don't like to wear helmets while riding their motorcycles. Pay extra attention around motorcycles, damn you!
6. Not using your blinker to change lanes. It's a common courtesy, ok? I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.
7. I don't care if you use your cell phone while you're driving. Just don't start weaving all over the road, and don't slow down in the fast lane! STOP DRIVING SLOW IN THE FAST LANE! You people know who you are.
8. Begging for money at stoplights, especially with the “God Bless” signs. Don’t try staring at me. It doesn’t work for my dogs and it certainly isn’t going to work for you. The only people I give money to at stoplights are firemen and nuns. Crackwhores and transients don’t interest me. Get a job, damn you.
9. Throwing litter out your car window. Soda cans, paper, cigarette butts... you nasty bastards. I wish I could bitchslap you. And if I ever go insane, I'm gonna.
I'm trying to be a more positive person, so I'm going to leave this list at 9 entries.
Comedy Central seems to have taken Absolutely Fabulous off the air (damn them). They still show clips of it in various network commercials, though. In any case, I've changed the name of this journal/blog to "fuzzy memories." Story of my life. Ha!
Finally, another MP3 download. I hope you enjoy it.
Replies: 17 comments
that's a pretty good list. i'd have to ad a couple of things to it if it were mine:
1. comb-overs. if you're going bald, do it gracefully.
2. not wearing deodorant. seriously people, it takes less than a minute and it keeps you from smelling like skunk ass. crikey.
3. if you're going to go and blow a ton of money on a sound system for your car, can't you at least paint it first? all that bass is going to knock the primer right off that hoopty. yo.
Posted by -Z @ 04/02/2002 10:47 AM CST
*smooch!*
Posted by redsugar @ 04/02/2002 11:18 AM CST
what in the hell is a "hoopty?"
Posted by suzie @ 04/02/2002 01:24 PM CST
now don't pretend you never heard 'my hoopty' (sir mix-a-lot) heheheheh. wow, i am a dork. according to wordcentral.com:
Entry: hoopty
Function: noun
Definition: a beat up old car
Word History: slang
Sample sentence:
there's your daily dose of enlightentment.
:)
Posted by -Z @ 04/02/2002 02:53 PM CST
suzie, my journal card ROCKS! goliath loves his hat. thank you so much! *hug!!*
Posted by redsugar @ 04/02/2002 06:25 PM CST
hey, i like ur list! but i just wanted 2 say that i really like ur site, its really cool ( like u didnt already kno that it was cool)
Posted by ashley @ 04/02/2002 08:20 PM CST
I've never seen a list so accurately compiled...I couldn't possibly agree with you more. The stupidity of most of the drivers out there never ceases to amaze me.
Posted by roger @ 04/02/2002 08:23 PM CST
<3
Posted by suzie @ 04/02/2002 10:25 PM CST
Time for my list: People I can live without.
1. homeless people that take an entire wall from their house to make that "will work for food" sign. C'mon, you have to live in that box, don't tear it up. And you're not fooling anyone either, if you were willing to work for an exhange of goods or money then I have great news for you. there are programs out there for you... they're called jobs, stupid.
2. people that can't let someone else talk for more than 2 minutes without interupting them with "well actually... blah blah blah". Hello, no one cares how intelligent you think you are. "well actually, if you had any sense at all you'd know to shut the hell up b4 ya get smacked".
3. people that take their entire family shopping with them. there's ma & pa of course, 6 kids of varying ages/filthiness, & grandma in a motorized cart. Um, excuse me but who's minding the mobile home?
4. guys with trucks built as low to the ground as possible. Am I missing something here? it's a truck. If you wanna sit that low to the ground looking foolish, why don't ya save some money and sit on a skateboard while wearing a life jacket, dumb ass. I'll try not to flip you off as I pass you by. (can't promise that I won't point and laugh)
5. People in protest rallies, they dress alike, walk alike, talk alike, and do those little unclever chants while carrying cute lil signs. Those signs might as well say "can't think for myself" or "I'm with stupid". Do something useful, have a carwash to fight the Jim of the world. Come over, wash my car, & i'll give ya 5 bucks to stay off my tv screen. Then ya can go on to a more important issue. The "Jim's fence needs repainting" scandal or "paint-gate" as some have coined it.
Posted by That Damn Jim J Bullock Guy @ 04/04/2002 09:44 PM CST
Jim, you are too much. :) rawk!
Posted by suzie @ 04/04/2002 09:48 PM CST
10. Online Personals that you pay $xx a month for. Do you really need to pay someone to feel rejected? Save your money for the therapy bills.
Posted by Dena @ 04/04/2002 11:47 PM CST
New Order - True Faith.mp3 link does not work for my comp.
Posted by AndrAIa4 @ 05/15/2002 09:56 PM CST
that's because I delete mp3 files 7 days after I offer them.
Posted by suzie @ 05/15/2002 10:20 PM CST
please put that new order song back up ^^
Posted by unown @ 08/29/2002 02:43 PM CST
hey, who's this Andraia4 here? That's my name! I've being using it for 3 years! (maybe even longer!) Whoever is using that name also send a m,essage to sailorcatrina4@hotmail.com
Posted by Andraia4 @ 11/21/2002 06:16 PM CST
nm..I think I put that post, not possitive though
Posted by Andraia4 @ 11/21/2002 06:17 PM CST
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